My name is Trista, I'm a 28 year old married nerd. This blog is just to help outlet some of the my experiences and share them with you. Feel free to share and comment as needed. I hope we can help each other i this turbulent thing called Life.
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
STOP THE HATE
So lately my facebook news feed has been filled with hate spewing peeps who are so upset over Miley Cyrus and Robin Thicke at the VMA's. Here's my advice, instead of worrying they will be a bad influence on your kids, why not try to be the positive role model for them? How about set an example? Why not worry about actual problems in the world (ie Syria, Egypt killings, world hunger, human rights over the world, Russia etc, just to name a few) instead of cyber bullying (calling Miley a slut on and Robin a douche over the internet, where they can't see who is doing the bullying, is the same as what we all complain about kids doing to each other that has caused so many suicides across the states). I don't understand how we as a society bitch about the problems we do, then turn around and create the same damn things. STOP THE HATE.
Friday, August 16, 2013
Cruelty Free Galaxy Nails: Easy and Do able!
Hello everyone!!!!
So today I'm gonna give you a short list of galaxy nail tools I found helpful! I am really bad at being a girl. I can't do my nails, or my hair very well to be honest. I had always wanted to try galaxy nails, but always felt so discouraged. A google image result that encouraged me greatly can be found here.
once I had some courage, I looked online a bit more and found this amazing tutorial by MissJenFABULOUS which can be viewed here:
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So today I'm gonna give you a short list of galaxy nail tools I found helpful! I am really bad at being a girl. I can't do my nails, or my hair very well to be honest. I had always wanted to try galaxy nails, but always felt so discouraged. A google image result that encouraged me greatly can be found here.
once I had some courage, I looked online a bit more and found this amazing tutorial by MissJenFABULOUS which can be viewed here:
Once my confidence gained, I decided to give it a shot. I used all cruelty free products and here are a list of supplies I used:
make up sponges
LA colors base and top coat
LA colors black nail polish
LA colors hot pink nail polish
LA colors turquoise nail polish
LA colors glitter top coat
Orly color pixie powder (purple glitter coat)
All it takes is two coats of black polish, then sponge on your accent colors. You'll want to paint the polish onto the sponge and then lightly pat your nail with the color. It should feel a little tacky as you apply. Dont be afraid to add color to make it pop. I did blue first, then a smaller area of pink color. I then added the purple glitter over where my pink was. Add a glitter top coat, then a normal top coat and viola! Galaxy nails. Here are my results:
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They look a bit messy, but in person, they are fantastic. And trust me, if I can do it, so can you!
Until next time, stay true, stay you!
xoxoxoxo
Trista
Friday, July 26, 2013
How Fandoms helped me
Whenever I feel blue, I try to think of lessons learned through fandom life.
I am important, I matter.
Run.
Don’t blink.
My smallest choices matter.
I have the potential.
I may not be the hero, maybe I’m just the sidekick. But that is just as important.
My scoobies will always be there for me.
Try to be well rounded.
Always make the right choice and speak up.
When in doubt, call Bobby.
It’s ok to throw your own rock concert to your fave jam, even if you’re too scared to cross the street.
Have a big moment, then for God sakes, tell a joke.
Write it, shoot it, saute it, whatever. Make.
Everything’s shiny, not to worry.
Curse the sudden but inevitable betrayal, move on.
Wear your style, one day, with any luck, maybe fox will ban it and you can sell underground.
Thanks to Doctor Who, Buffy, Firefly, LOTR, Joss and many more.
Friday, June 14, 2013
How Australia, Amanda, and I saved my life
Hello friends,
Today's post is going to be a few things. Strangely personal, maybe sad, but in the end, I would really hope that it is hopeful. Please hang in here with me for a bit as I try to explain, explore and talk about my young life.
In previous posts, I have mentioned my diagnosis with depression, my grandfather's passing, and a trip to Australia. Today I am going to tell you all the story of how these events all connect and mean something much bigger than anyone has ever known before. I have only ever spoken of these events to a few people, and even rarer was the whole story. So here we go.
When I was 7 going on 8, my grandfather passed away. This was quite the blow to the family, as I'm sure you can all imagine. The whole family was devastated. I went to all the funeral planning and events when this all happened. I hate the look people gave me that day. I still do, yet when another tragedy happens, that look shows up on my face for the ones left behind. Afterwards, we did the best we could with moving on. My grandma had the hardest time obviously, but she did the best she could.
Over the next few years, we did the best we could. Moved on like anyone would try to. Money was spent a little too freely maybe, but that's not really the point right now. I was extremely depressed, but quiet about it all. Things were going, but not great. As I've also mentioned before, I was absolutely not a part of the in crowd. I was picked on, teased, bullied whatever you want to call it. I think most kids were to some extent, and for sure all my friends now did. This was not particularly easy to deal with as well, and the feeling that I had no one to talk to only increased.
I should mention here, that this was to no fault of my family. My family has always been overly supportive of me; they've encouraged me; and have always been welling to lend an ear if needed. My problem has been wanting to not bother people, not scare people and to keep everyone thinking I'm ok.
I hit a really low point and wanted out. I was tired of feeling the way I did. Its entirely selfish. I get that now. But at the time, it was all I wanted. I kept thinking of when I could leave. It never seemed like the right time. Then one day we got a letter for a group called People 2 People.
They were a tour group, by invitation only that sent small groups (about 30 to 40 ish) to foreign countries and took them on sight seeing tours. It was called a once in a lifetime opportunity. I was selected to go, along with 42 other kids my age, and six adults. The only problem was the cost. If I could come up with the money, I would be able to go. Long story short, we fundraised, asked, and scraped by to get the money for me to go. I mentally set my deadline for after I returned. I figured go so my family would know I did something cool even though I was young. I guess in my head, it was a way of justifying it so at least my family would have some nice pictures of me and everything. What I didn't realize was that since I was putting it off, meant something else entirely.
While I was prepping for Australia (which is about a year of group meetings, projects, studying, and team building exercises), my great grandmother passed away. This was another huge blow to the family. To make a long story short (again), my parents made the split official, we moved to the house my great grandma had lived in and we had a few ghostly things happen. Prep happened for Australia and life went on. I adjusted as best I could, just trudging along until my deadline. I was unhappy a lot of the time and lonely; I didn't really have friends that I was close with. Like I said, I just tried to go forward.
I can't really pin point the moment things changed. Somewhere in the meetings, and getting ready for everything something changed. I made some friends, one of whom I am still friends with to this day. My friend Amanda and I became inseparable. We were always at each other's houses, had sleepover, pool parties, and went to concerts that our parents would take us to. Eventually the idea pushed itself out of my head.
From there on out, I never thought about it again. I still had depression, mostly just talking down to myself (which I talked about in a previous post found here). Looking back on everything and really reflecting on that stuff I feel it's really important to point out a few things.
For one, everyone's experience is going to be different. I think the human experience is very individual, and cannot really be described, or brought down to a certain level. It's too grand and big to try to explain. For two, I am not looking for sympathy in any way. I am extremely happy in my life. I merely wanted to talk to you and share this with you. I've always said I wanted to help people so maybe this post will help someone. For three, not everyone can come out of depression or thinking like this on their own and with time. Mine took years to overcome, and I didn't do it alone. I just don't think that people realized how much they helped me.
I hope that you guys stuck it out with me on this post. This has helped me even realize a lot about myself now. I hope you all understand this and hopefully why I felt it was important to write about it.
For suicide help please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255
There are also some great resources on Facebook. Friends, I hope that you always have the time for someone. Listen to them, talk with them, be there for them. It may help them more than you know. As for me, I'm feeling a lot better about everything and a whole lot more optimistic.
Until next time....
xoxoxoxo
Today's post is going to be a few things. Strangely personal, maybe sad, but in the end, I would really hope that it is hopeful. Please hang in here with me for a bit as I try to explain, explore and talk about my young life.
In previous posts, I have mentioned my diagnosis with depression, my grandfather's passing, and a trip to Australia. Today I am going to tell you all the story of how these events all connect and mean something much bigger than anyone has ever known before. I have only ever spoken of these events to a few people, and even rarer was the whole story. So here we go.
When I was 7 going on 8, my grandfather passed away. This was quite the blow to the family, as I'm sure you can all imagine. The whole family was devastated. I went to all the funeral planning and events when this all happened. I hate the look people gave me that day. I still do, yet when another tragedy happens, that look shows up on my face for the ones left behind. Afterwards, we did the best we could with moving on. My grandma had the hardest time obviously, but she did the best she could.
Over the next few years, we did the best we could. Moved on like anyone would try to. Money was spent a little too freely maybe, but that's not really the point right now. I was extremely depressed, but quiet about it all. Things were going, but not great. As I've also mentioned before, I was absolutely not a part of the in crowd. I was picked on, teased, bullied whatever you want to call it. I think most kids were to some extent, and for sure all my friends now did. This was not particularly easy to deal with as well, and the feeling that I had no one to talk to only increased.
I should mention here, that this was to no fault of my family. My family has always been overly supportive of me; they've encouraged me; and have always been welling to lend an ear if needed. My problem has been wanting to not bother people, not scare people and to keep everyone thinking I'm ok.
I hit a really low point and wanted out. I was tired of feeling the way I did. Its entirely selfish. I get that now. But at the time, it was all I wanted. I kept thinking of when I could leave. It never seemed like the right time. Then one day we got a letter for a group called People 2 People.
They were a tour group, by invitation only that sent small groups (about 30 to 40 ish) to foreign countries and took them on sight seeing tours. It was called a once in a lifetime opportunity. I was selected to go, along with 42 other kids my age, and six adults. The only problem was the cost. If I could come up with the money, I would be able to go. Long story short, we fundraised, asked, and scraped by to get the money for me to go. I mentally set my deadline for after I returned. I figured go so my family would know I did something cool even though I was young. I guess in my head, it was a way of justifying it so at least my family would have some nice pictures of me and everything. What I didn't realize was that since I was putting it off, meant something else entirely.
While I was prepping for Australia (which is about a year of group meetings, projects, studying, and team building exercises), my great grandmother passed away. This was another huge blow to the family. To make a long story short (again), my parents made the split official, we moved to the house my great grandma had lived in and we had a few ghostly things happen. Prep happened for Australia and life went on. I adjusted as best I could, just trudging along until my deadline. I was unhappy a lot of the time and lonely; I didn't really have friends that I was close with. Like I said, I just tried to go forward.
I can't really pin point the moment things changed. Somewhere in the meetings, and getting ready for everything something changed. I made some friends, one of whom I am still friends with to this day. My friend Amanda and I became inseparable. We were always at each other's houses, had sleepover, pool parties, and went to concerts that our parents would take us to. Eventually the idea pushed itself out of my head.
From there on out, I never thought about it again. I still had depression, mostly just talking down to myself (which I talked about in a previous post found here). Looking back on everything and really reflecting on that stuff I feel it's really important to point out a few things.
For one, everyone's experience is going to be different. I think the human experience is very individual, and cannot really be described, or brought down to a certain level. It's too grand and big to try to explain. For two, I am not looking for sympathy in any way. I am extremely happy in my life. I merely wanted to talk to you and share this with you. I've always said I wanted to help people so maybe this post will help someone. For three, not everyone can come out of depression or thinking like this on their own and with time. Mine took years to overcome, and I didn't do it alone. I just don't think that people realized how much they helped me.
I hope that you guys stuck it out with me on this post. This has helped me even realize a lot about myself now. I hope you all understand this and hopefully why I felt it was important to write about it.
For suicide help please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255
There are also some great resources on Facebook. Friends, I hope that you always have the time for someone. Listen to them, talk with them, be there for them. It may help them more than you know. As for me, I'm feeling a lot better about everything and a whole lot more optimistic.
Until next time....
xoxoxoxo
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
The kind of mind I have.
Tonight, I wanna talk a little bit about me and how my brain works. Now some of you spend a fair amount of time with me and understand what I'm all about, some of you may not. Friends please excuse down a bit while I try to explain in a nutshell as best I can. I am basically child like. I'm not a child; quite the opposite. I'm very responsible, independent, and on occasion; serious. However, my brain seems to work in a child like fashion.
So for your entertainment, I'll post various examples of how this works. This are all serious examples of my real, everyday life and how it affects me and, on most occasions; my staff, boss, husband and friends.
xoxoxo
Trista
So for your entertainment, I'll post various examples of how this works. This are all serious examples of my real, everyday life and how it affects me and, on most occasions; my staff, boss, husband and friends.
- I work in a retail store that has huge windows as our store front. One slow day at work, my boss went on her lunch, leaving me out on the floor TOTALLY ALONE. As I stood there in my quiet store, my brain wanders as it tends to every fifteen seconds. And literally, I just wondered what I would do, if dinosaurs still existed. No but seriously, what would we do? Just think for a second. Would it be a Jurassic Park type situation? Would there be sirens to alert us? Would bomb shelters be an ordinary thing to have? So ok, stay with me. I know this is totally weird, but it's about to get weirder. After I thought this amazingly weird thought, I went home feeling quite..strange. So I of course immediately told my husband. He confessed to thinking the EXACT SAME THING. That's how you know you've found your soul mate people. And of course that you're really just a ten year old with responsibilities.
- I watch cartoons daily. I usually wake up to Spongebob, but Team UmiZoomi is my favorite. Especially the end when the do the crazy shake.
- I can honestly say my DVR is set to record Adventure Time. I will also admit that I have watched episodes multiple times to catch a glimpse of the waving snail. I also think it's socially acceptable to yell hi and wave back to it. Like I don't know he can't really see me.
- I play video games. I get that girls can play video games, but I love LEGO video games. I find them amusing. I like flying around as Lego Wonderwoman, or defeating Lego Lord Voldemort. I get a thrill out of finding the huge Lego ring. Also, I am a very sore loser. I've broken controllers and I'm surprised Clay married me after I committed this crime.
- I have, on more than one occasion, expressed the need to do laundry because I have no more acceptable adult clothing. Allow me to explain. I own multiple shirts that have Mario, Thor, dinosause, disney princesses, Star Wars scenes, Harry Potter references and other ridiculous sayings and things on them. I mostly look like a child playing dress up.
- I highly enjoy kids movies. One time on a double date, we saw a cartoon movie and were the oldest people in the theater without children. We may have looked a little creepy. I also ensure that we own a fair amount of disney movies.
- My favorite past time is building forts. Admittedly, my husband is way better at the actual construction of the fort than I am. However, I enjoy a great time in the fort. I take pillows, snacks and my puppy in there with me. I will also create a facebook event for said night and somehow create and incorporate the term fort into in.
- I had a legitimate discussion yesterday with my husband today about buying supplies for my 26th birthday party . It's Star Wars themed. I plan on wearing my Princess Leia hoodie and carrying a lightsaber. Last years was Harry Potter.
xoxoxo
Trista
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Hot and Not
Friends, it is officially Summer here in Az. We hit triple digit temps yesterday and today. So while everywhere else in the world, people are freaking out about Spring getting it's shit together, it was 102 at my apartment. Ridiculous. However this got me thinking in a "Hot or Not" sort of way and I thought it would potentially be fun to share with you my hot or not thoughts on some things in our world.
Hot: Gwyneth Paltrow. Let me list a few reasons why. 1-She wore this knockout number to the Iron Man 3 premier
Hot: Staying motivated and living a healthy lifestyle. Do your thang! Eat healthier if you want. Want to juice? Feel free. Raw vegan is right for you? Right on. Stay motivated, stay true and do what's best for you.
Not: "Fitspiration." A study was just released about all this "fitspiration" madness. Two groups of people were asked to keep detailed food and workout journals. One of these groups was also asked to post the so called fitspirational posts to help their progress. In the end, the group with the fitspirational postings had higher depression, anxiety and tended to overeat as a result. Now this is not necessarily how it is for all of us out there. I'm sure some really do find them to be motivational and helpful. But we should make sure that they are helpful and not hurtful to us.
That's all I got for now lovelies. If you have any hot or not suggestions, or would like to add on, feel free to comment below or find me on facebook at facebook.com/trista.tuzik and let me know!
xoxoxox
Trista
Hot: Gwyneth Paltrow. Let me list a few reasons why. 1-She wore this knockout number to the Iron Man 3 premier
I don't know a whole whole lot about fashion, but that is killer confidence on People's Most Beautiful Woman. 2-when on the Ellen show she joked and laughed off critics views of her dress and how she couldn't wear underwear. I don't really know many women or celebrities who would joke about "rockin a 70's type style" when talking about showing off her goods. 3-Her second cook book "It's All Good" has already shot to number 1, and in it she shows off her natural beauty. That's right, no make up, no hairstylist.
Not: Chris Brown. Do I really need to say why. The fact that he still makes money and profits anything make me sad for society.
Hot: Marvel movies. These movies aren't just for nerds anymore. While they still appeal to die hard comic book fanboys (they stay very true to comic book story, straying not too far; rather expanding), they have gathered a higher following. Soon they were appealing to action fans all over. When news hit that Joss Whedon was on board, nerds everywhere rejoiced, bringing in more fans from cult followings like Firefly, Buffy, Dollhouse etc. And the trend continues. While more Marvel movies are in the works, plus a tv show centering around Shield, it seems that we are in store for a few more great years. And ladies, I highly encourage you to see these movies. Even if you are being "dragged" to these events, they have everything you could want. Plus I mean, look at this eye candy.
Not: Sports Blogger Claire Crawford. For those who have not seen this yet, the blogger wrote after an Oklahoma City Game that one of the cheerleaders, Kelsey Williams was too pudgy. It's pretty bad that women attack each other and treat each other like shit, but this takes bullying to a whole new level. Claire Crawford, you're job is to blog about sports, not bully women into your ideal beauty standard.
Hot: Staying motivated and living a healthy lifestyle. Do your thang! Eat healthier if you want. Want to juice? Feel free. Raw vegan is right for you? Right on. Stay motivated, stay true and do what's best for you.
Not: "Fitspiration." A study was just released about all this "fitspiration" madness. Two groups of people were asked to keep detailed food and workout journals. One of these groups was also asked to post the so called fitspirational posts to help their progress. In the end, the group with the fitspirational postings had higher depression, anxiety and tended to overeat as a result. Now this is not necessarily how it is for all of us out there. I'm sure some really do find them to be motivational and helpful. But we should make sure that they are helpful and not hurtful to us.
That's all I got for now lovelies. If you have any hot or not suggestions, or would like to add on, feel free to comment below or find me on facebook at facebook.com/trista.tuzik and let me know!
xoxoxox
Trista
Adults
Hello all! As you may (or maybe not) recall, I wrote a post a while back about my life plans, and crying when I turned 25. Well a while back, I got my April issue of Cosmo and it had a one page article that was a "hot topic." This month's hot topic was "What Does It Mean To Be An Adult?" The article discuss who adults are idolizing now as well as their habits and interests. They also pointed out three adult celebrities, Katy Perry 28, Zooey Deschanel 33, and Ke$ha 26.
From here they discuss how the average age for marriage, children, minivans and careers has changed so drastically from the 60's. All I can really say to that is thank God. The thing that really got me interested was youth in Hollywood. Mainly how this effects the everyday population.
I think we can all agree that in the last few months we have seen a spike in different hair colors. I've seen everything from blue to orange. We aren't just covering up gray's anymore ladies. We also take fashion advice from our favorite celebrities. Gwyneth Paltrow has been wearing very neutral colors and then rocking a hot color shoe. And I'm all in. And just recently Jennifer Lawrence made it awesome to eat again with this quote
From here they discuss how the average age for marriage, children, minivans and careers has changed so drastically from the 60's. All I can really say to that is thank God. The thing that really got me interested was youth in Hollywood. Mainly how this effects the everyday population.
I think we can all agree that in the last few months we have seen a spike in different hair colors. I've seen everything from blue to orange. We aren't just covering up gray's anymore ladies. We also take fashion advice from our favorite celebrities. Gwyneth Paltrow has been wearing very neutral colors and then rocking a hot color shoe. And I'm all in. And just recently Jennifer Lawrence made it awesome to eat again with this quote
So how else is Hollywood youth translating in real life? Well as I said before, the ages for "settling down" has gone up. Home-owning specifically is up from 23 to 34. This means we're putting off marriages, children and other "grown up" things.
Why am I writing this to you, you ask? Well I think it's just important for me to let you all know (as well as remind myself) that it's ok to be the kid at heart. Just the other day I posted on my facebook saying that I myself was amazed at my age sometimes. I literally got really excited about new sheets. Then the next morning, I seriously needed to dig through Harry Potter, Star Wars, Mario, Ninja Turtles, Iron Man and a smiley fruit shirt just to find something business casual to wear to work. Figure out what you're own definition of success is and follow that. Don't let someone else's expectations guide you.
So just so you all know, I'm 25, married, totally geeking out over Marvel movies, playing Lego Lord of the Rings, wearing Star Wars shirts and laughing at things I shouldn't. But I'm happy with that. So if I am just catching that youth bug that hollywood has, I'll take it.
Monday, April 15, 2013
Me, Myself and I and the Plans Life Made For Us.
Friends, tonight I really wanna talk about plans and a little about my upbringing. Let's rewind the clocks about twenty years. I'm five years old. As a kid, I always told my family that I wanted a nice big house, cool car. Because as a kid, let's face it, we think anything is possible. We see no limit to what we can accomplish, what can be ours, what we can do. They told me to marry rich. In response, I told them that I didn't need to marry rich, I could take care of myself.
Now along with being independent, I was also a bit of a dreamer. I still am to be completely honest (I believe in a lot of "mythical beasts, aliens, ghosts and love at first sight. Clearly I'm bonkers.) However, my dreamer status as far as what I wanted to be when I grew up varied so much. I always wanted to be married, and live a crazy romantic life (never really fantasized having babies, though some in the future wouldn't be too bad). I lucked out in this aspect though. A very short list of my fantasy career list is as follows: astronaut, FBI agent, singer, artist, writer, actress, storm chaser, teacher and dancer. I am also, evidently, horribly indecisive.
As I grew up, my priorities changed, along with my view on things. No one ever really told me that I couldn't do certain things. I think my family genuinely believed me to be "perfect" or "successful" (whatever the hell those words mean). Everyone encouraged me in the best ways, paying for any dance classes, field trips and generally anything I really wanted to do. Every body told me I could do it, except one real bitch. She was consistently putting me down, telling me I was stupid, or ugly, or that I couldn't do things. What a whore. How dare this rotten see you next Tuesday do that to me. I'm telling you, I can be a real bitch to myself.
With all this self hatred brewing inside me, I knew I needed a plan to get anywhere. Clearly no one would marry me or want to be around me or befriend me if I was everything I kept telling myself I was. I made very in depth plans. I knew where I wanted to go to college, when I would be married by, when kids would be in my life, where I was going to work. Hell I even had the suburban picked out I'd use to pick the kiddo's up from football. I even knew where I would live and then where I'd spend my days after retirement. The thing that no one really tells you when you're a kid though, is that life has other plans.
In a solid attempt not to bore you with the details, I'll simply skip ahead and say that one day while in college, I realized you can't make plans. Planning out all the details of your life isn't living. Not too mention we change so much anyway. We will not be the same person next year, nor are we the same people since last year. Nothing really worked out the way my plans intended. For example, I was supposed to have been married at 24, kids by 25, suburban by 26.
In addition to us changing and what we want or what we do changing, it's unwise to make plans anways. Then when shit hits the fan, we aren't running around all confused, crazed and in a slight panic. I don't think I'm this great philosopher or that I have all this life experience or that I'm wise. But I can absolutely promise you this. Things aren't going to go the way you thing. Things change, plans fall through and the unexpected will happen. One minute you'll have your footing, the next you are knocked on your ass.
So friends, do yourselves a favor and don't make plans. Tell the ones that you love that you do. Savor the moment. Laugh loudly. Be yourself. Wear sunscreen. Enjoy the little things. Smile.
Until next time lovelies,
Trista xoxoxoxo
Now along with being independent, I was also a bit of a dreamer. I still am to be completely honest (I believe in a lot of "mythical beasts, aliens, ghosts and love at first sight. Clearly I'm bonkers.) However, my dreamer status as far as what I wanted to be when I grew up varied so much. I always wanted to be married, and live a crazy romantic life (never really fantasized having babies, though some in the future wouldn't be too bad). I lucked out in this aspect though. A very short list of my fantasy career list is as follows: astronaut, FBI agent, singer, artist, writer, actress, storm chaser, teacher and dancer. I am also, evidently, horribly indecisive.
As I grew up, my priorities changed, along with my view on things. No one ever really told me that I couldn't do certain things. I think my family genuinely believed me to be "perfect" or "successful" (whatever the hell those words mean). Everyone encouraged me in the best ways, paying for any dance classes, field trips and generally anything I really wanted to do. Every body told me I could do it, except one real bitch. She was consistently putting me down, telling me I was stupid, or ugly, or that I couldn't do things. What a whore. How dare this rotten see you next Tuesday do that to me. I'm telling you, I can be a real bitch to myself.
With all this self hatred brewing inside me, I knew I needed a plan to get anywhere. Clearly no one would marry me or want to be around me or befriend me if I was everything I kept telling myself I was. I made very in depth plans. I knew where I wanted to go to college, when I would be married by, when kids would be in my life, where I was going to work. Hell I even had the suburban picked out I'd use to pick the kiddo's up from football. I even knew where I would live and then where I'd spend my days after retirement. The thing that no one really tells you when you're a kid though, is that life has other plans.
In a solid attempt not to bore you with the details, I'll simply skip ahead and say that one day while in college, I realized you can't make plans. Planning out all the details of your life isn't living. Not too mention we change so much anyway. We will not be the same person next year, nor are we the same people since last year. Nothing really worked out the way my plans intended. For example, I was supposed to have been married at 24, kids by 25, suburban by 26.
In addition to us changing and what we want or what we do changing, it's unwise to make plans anways. Then when shit hits the fan, we aren't running around all confused, crazed and in a slight panic. I don't think I'm this great philosopher or that I have all this life experience or that I'm wise. But I can absolutely promise you this. Things aren't going to go the way you thing. Things change, plans fall through and the unexpected will happen. One minute you'll have your footing, the next you are knocked on your ass.
So friends, do yourselves a favor and don't make plans. Tell the ones that you love that you do. Savor the moment. Laugh loudly. Be yourself. Wear sunscreen. Enjoy the little things. Smile.
Until next time lovelies,
Trista xoxoxoxo
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Surprise Surprise
Hello all! So for this post, I need to be quite frank, if I may. When I started my blog, I originally intended it to be a marriage of my favorite things. I wanted to infuse things I came into contact with in my every day life, things I found on pinterest, diy/crafts, funny things, infused with my own take and humor. However, I found myself being incredibly open and honest on this type of forum. I saw an outlet for me to expand on my thoughts, my personal battles, my opinions on certain issues and really the best way I could ever express myself. What I was really shocked by, was how well you, my readers, responded. As I said, I intended this to be the bridge in the gap for pinterest and mainly my facebook page. So when the highest views came from pages about my personal life and personal opinions, I was pleasantly surprised.
Since this realization, I have been at a bit of a block. How do I add something that is personal, interesting, entertaining and true to what I want to do? It's a bit scary to be honest, and as I'm thinking about it now, I don't know how I'll do if I ever do get published. But that's for me to discover later perhaps.
Part of this shock was a bit telling if you know me. I can honestly say, I don't have the greatest self esteem. I've worked very hard to get it to a good solid ok point that I'm at now and for the last year, I've been dealing with some frustration keeping it there. But I genuinely was surprised at how interested people were to read the blog. I found myself continuously asking myself why people read, why they visited, why they cared. I'm still not entirely sure why all of the readers of this blog do care, but I will continue to revel in your love and take advantage of it. Sorry for being a leech on you all, but you truly have no idea how much it helps.
So now that I'm done being all mushy gushy with you, I will let you all in on some little known facts about yours truly. These are all personal truths, some only revealed to a few people before. Take them for what they are.
my pinterest page is here
Follow me on twitter at https://twitter.com/Trista819
And as always on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/trista.tuzik
Until next time...
xoxoxoxo
Trista
Since this realization, I have been at a bit of a block. How do I add something that is personal, interesting, entertaining and true to what I want to do? It's a bit scary to be honest, and as I'm thinking about it now, I don't know how I'll do if I ever do get published. But that's for me to discover later perhaps.
Part of this shock was a bit telling if you know me. I can honestly say, I don't have the greatest self esteem. I've worked very hard to get it to a good solid ok point that I'm at now and for the last year, I've been dealing with some frustration keeping it there. But I genuinely was surprised at how interested people were to read the blog. I found myself continuously asking myself why people read, why they visited, why they cared. I'm still not entirely sure why all of the readers of this blog do care, but I will continue to revel in your love and take advantage of it. Sorry for being a leech on you all, but you truly have no idea how much it helps.
So now that I'm done being all mushy gushy with you, I will let you all in on some little known facts about yours truly. These are all personal truths, some only revealed to a few people before. Take them for what they are.
- I attended modelling and acting school. I never acted on it, which I sometimes regret. Acting would have been cool, and I really think Jennifer Lawrence and Olivia Munn and I could have been great friends.
- I cried on my 25th birthday. I was terrified and felt like I hadn't accomplished much. I often compare myself too much.
- I was diagnosed with depression at a young age. I took pills, saw a therapist and all that jazz. I know the source of my depression, though few others do. And honestly I maybe should have been diagnosed much sooner.
- I hate going to see doctors. I hate being diagnosed. See above. I just think that the human experience is unique and unquantifiable. So when someone tries to tell me whats wrong with me, it just tends to piss me off.
- My Grandfather's passing had a very profound effect on me. More so than people think. Even those closest to me really have no concept of what it truly did to me. I'm not sure if it was because I was so young, or because we were so close or what.
- I prefer a good balance of science and emotion. I think humans in general are a bit naive and narrow minded when it comes to certain things.
- I believe in a lot of weird things. Like supernatural things, cryptozoo-ology, aliens etc.
- I am maybe one of the only people I know who never blamed themselves for their parents divorce. It may sound egotistical, but I knew the problems were between them and not me.
- My entire life, I've been accused of having different eating disorders like anorexia or bulimia. I've never had either. My only eating disorder is that I'm maybe not the healthiest eater and I eat too frequently. Like any chance I get.
- I'm afraid to have children because I'm afraid I won't be a good Mom.
- Sometimes I'm amazed people want to be my friend. I will literally receive texts, facebook messages and stuff and wonder if the message was intended for me. Must be a consequence of that pesky low self esteem.
- I loathe magazines because they give me a false idea of what I should be, but I love them because they tend to tap my creative side.
- If I could make money writing, reading, watching tv/zombie movies, and finishing my book, I would do it in a heartbeat.
- I do miss old communication methods and I loathe how attached I am to my phone.
- If I truly said what was on my mind most the time, I'd probably scare people.
- I know what I'm passionate about, but I am worried I can't make money doing it.
- I went to Australia for two weeks when I was in middle school. It was the coolest experience ever, and I would like to go back.
- Anything Paris related sends my heart aflutter.
- I went on a school trip to Washington DC when I was in middle school. While at the FBI building my mom and I breached security without meaning to. I feel like, had it really been an issue though, we would have been interrogated.
- There are times when I think I belonged in another era. Like maybe the 60's or 70's. Then I think maybe in the 20's.
- I think I am completely random at best. My self expression will never be consistent other than it is completely mine.
- My ultimate goal in life is to change someone's life.
my pinterest page is here
Follow me on twitter at https://twitter.com/Trista819
And as always on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/trista.tuzik
Until next time...
xoxoxoxo
Trista
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Let's chat
Yesterday I was on facebook, and I saw a most alarming statistic. It stated that 54% of women would rather be hit by a truck than be fat. In addition 81% of ten year olds are afraid of being fat.
I was blown away when I read that. But then I started to really think about it. Everybody has body issues. We just don't talk about them. They wait in the back of our brains, fester and rot the images we have of ourselves. So, I asked some facebook friends what body image issues they faced and did a little self reflection. Here is just some of the information I gathered.
First of all, I think it's really important to point out, that body images do not just affect women. Men also feel these pressures to look a certain way, and society does send these messages out to them just as much as women. I would argue that the standard is different, however it is still unfair. One of the best examples (and usually the first one brought up by people), is the recent Calvin Klein ad. This ad ran during the Super Bowl this year and left every guy (at least at my gathering) with raised eyebrows and second guesses.
Men feel the need to be more muscular, more fit, and even thinner. It doesn't help when we have men like Channing Tatum, Christain Bale and countless others running around shirtless in Hollywood. In fact, if you google image search Beautiful men or sexy men, the options appear quite limited. There are a lot of abs and muscles. That's really about it.
Women don't really have it much better. I dare you to google image search beautiful women. They are all very bronze, with lots of boob. A google image search of sexy women will reveal a few more blonde's though (DARN!!). You'll see lots of models, and a few actresses. It's all a little sickening.
In talking with some ladies, I came to one big conclusion. We all have something to be desired. No matter how hard we work or how happy we are with ourselves, there is always something "wrong" with how we look. Will we ever truly be happy with what we see in our mirrors? Maybe if we all had this one??
No wonder we all have issues. I constantly struggle with a few things in which only my husband really knows. I hate my nose, I worry about all my scars (I have five or six that concern me), and I wish my tummy was a little leaner. I hate my nose and always have. I think it should be smaller. People always have told me, it's distinctive, which in my ears is just another word for big. I have always wanted to be more fit and athletic, mostly for health reasons, but I think my stomach needs to tone up before anything else.
As far as my scars go, I've always had a strange love for my huge appendix scar. I've always found it very cool. It's large, I can pass it off for a ninja fight wound and it's fun to see people's reaction to it. At the same time, I find it could have been hindering, had I followed a career path I once considered. Acting usually requires a near perfect body that critics will judge you on anyway. A tough skin doesn't hurt either. I also considered modelling for a blink of an eye, but I wasn't sure how I would feel if they ever edited it out of my work. So you see, a love hate relationship. In addition, I also have about four more now on my breast, chest and left side. I worry about these ones for personal yet obvious reasons.
So I leave you all with this. We can only really stop this vicious cycle by teaching and practicing love. We need to stop trash talking people (celebrities included) for the way they look. We need to reject this "mainstream" (or as I call it, media shoved down our throat) idea of beauty. Start being more confident in yourself. In the morning, look in your mirror and point out five different things everyday that you like about yourself. Sometime's its hard, but you should do it. Here are some of my favorite photos and inspirations on loving myself. Make sure you read all of them and really take them in. :)
I was blown away when I read that. But then I started to really think about it. Everybody has body issues. We just don't talk about them. They wait in the back of our brains, fester and rot the images we have of ourselves. So, I asked some facebook friends what body image issues they faced and did a little self reflection. Here is just some of the information I gathered.
First of all, I think it's really important to point out, that body images do not just affect women. Men also feel these pressures to look a certain way, and society does send these messages out to them just as much as women. I would argue that the standard is different, however it is still unfair. One of the best examples (and usually the first one brought up by people), is the recent Calvin Klein ad. This ad ran during the Super Bowl this year and left every guy (at least at my gathering) with raised eyebrows and second guesses.
Men feel the need to be more muscular, more fit, and even thinner. It doesn't help when we have men like Channing Tatum, Christain Bale and countless others running around shirtless in Hollywood. In fact, if you google image search Beautiful men or sexy men, the options appear quite limited. There are a lot of abs and muscles. That's really about it.
Women don't really have it much better. I dare you to google image search beautiful women. They are all very bronze, with lots of boob. A google image search of sexy women will reveal a few more blonde's though (DARN!!). You'll see lots of models, and a few actresses. It's all a little sickening.
In talking with some ladies, I came to one big conclusion. We all have something to be desired. No matter how hard we work or how happy we are with ourselves, there is always something "wrong" with how we look. Will we ever truly be happy with what we see in our mirrors? Maybe if we all had this one??
So now to get a little more personal. I know personally I struggle with how I look somewhat frequently. I'd like to share a quote from Tina Fey here
"“Every girl is expected to have caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama and doll tits. This is why everyone is struggling.” -Tina Fey
No wonder we all have issues. I constantly struggle with a few things in which only my husband really knows. I hate my nose, I worry about all my scars (I have five or six that concern me), and I wish my tummy was a little leaner. I hate my nose and always have. I think it should be smaller. People always have told me, it's distinctive, which in my ears is just another word for big. I have always wanted to be more fit and athletic, mostly for health reasons, but I think my stomach needs to tone up before anything else.
As far as my scars go, I've always had a strange love for my huge appendix scar. I've always found it very cool. It's large, I can pass it off for a ninja fight wound and it's fun to see people's reaction to it. At the same time, I find it could have been hindering, had I followed a career path I once considered. Acting usually requires a near perfect body that critics will judge you on anyway. A tough skin doesn't hurt either. I also considered modelling for a blink of an eye, but I wasn't sure how I would feel if they ever edited it out of my work. So you see, a love hate relationship. In addition, I also have about four more now on my breast, chest and left side. I worry about these ones for personal yet obvious reasons.
So I leave you all with this. We can only really stop this vicious cycle by teaching and practicing love. We need to stop trash talking people (celebrities included) for the way they look. We need to reject this "mainstream" (or as I call it, media shoved down our throat) idea of beauty. Start being more confident in yourself. In the morning, look in your mirror and point out five different things everyday that you like about yourself. Sometime's its hard, but you should do it. Here are some of my favorite photos and inspirations on loving myself. Make sure you read all of them and really take them in. :)
But most importantly, always remember.
Until next time,
xoxoxoxo
Trista
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Something Serious.
Hello All,
So this post is going to be slightly serious. I promise to write something extremely positive and uplifting and fun soon. However, I must ask all of you to please read this. This story is somewhat personal, but it all gets better at the end (new beginning? however your heart chooses to look at it). I hope this helps you in some way. Whether it be making yourself feel less alien, understanding me, or just pure entertainment, I hope this helps.
So in previous blogs, I have talked about my recent hospital stay and the compassion I experienced from visitors and family members. After the hospital, I had to do routine things, like get cleared for work, go visit the doctor and have a few more tests done. The biggest question on just about everyone's mind was, "What made it collapse?" It may sound dumb, but while I was curious, I was more concerned with how long is this gonna hurt? Early on, we were told that an upper respiratory infection, along with asthma and my stubborn nature caused me to cough until my lung collapsed. Once I got out, and had an x ray done, the doctors got more curious. An x ray revealed, what appeared to be, cysts on my lungs. Suddenly I was getting tested for cystic fibrosis.
Now, if you are like me, you have no idea what cystic fibrosis is. CF is a disease passed down that causes thick mucus and cysts to grow in the lungs, stomach and digestive tract and pretty much anywhere else in the body. I exhibit most symptoms (nasal congestion, inability to gain weight, respiratory problems, sinus pain and pressure and a few others) so I was extremely nervous. Even though most people with CF are diagnosed by age 2, some are diagnosed later in adulthood. The worst part of this disease is all the other side affect. The average life expectancy is 37 years, infertility in most people, lung collapses and generally a rough time. The worst part being there is no cure.
Friends, believe me when I tell you that nothing can prepare you to hear and read the above information. It's a strange thing to wonder if you have an expiration date, a timeline, a limitation of any kind. Even harder is to share the information with your loved ones, especially your husband. The worst part is walking around trying to stay positive when inside you're screaming frantically for a result. So in I went for testing. I had ct scans, blood tests another x ray. All to see what was going on. In the meantime, you just wait. A lot of tears were shed, hugs exchanged and sobbing discussions on the phone. I journaled more, slept less and prayed often. One instance of this week stands out in my mind, above all others.
I have a baby shower to go soon. It is extremely depressing to shop when you are already depressed, it is even worse trying to find baby shower gifts knowing you may never get that. Even worse is to be shopping in the store with your husband, knowing you may never give him that gift. I can't describe the heartbreak I felt while in the diaper aisle with him, terrified and not knowing what was going to happen and breaking down and crying. I cannot imagine not being able to have children and my heart goes out to those who cannot.
One thing that did help me through the tough time was talking about it. Really when you think about it, none of has any certainty of anything. We have no guarantee. None of us really knows our limitations, or expiration date. For all we know, we could be in an accident that causes a new limitation. Something awful could happen and cause our end. We really don't know. So at the risk of sounding trite, live like it's your last day. Be happy, be free, be courageous. Live curiously. love deeply. Be you. Smile. Dance. Laugh out loud. Roll the windows down, let your hair down and rejoice in this moment.
ps- tests came back negative. To donate to CF and their families, visit cff.org and click make a donation.
Until next time.
xoxoxox
Trista
So this post is going to be slightly serious. I promise to write something extremely positive and uplifting and fun soon. However, I must ask all of you to please read this. This story is somewhat personal, but it all gets better at the end (new beginning? however your heart chooses to look at it). I hope this helps you in some way. Whether it be making yourself feel less alien, understanding me, or just pure entertainment, I hope this helps.
So in previous blogs, I have talked about my recent hospital stay and the compassion I experienced from visitors and family members. After the hospital, I had to do routine things, like get cleared for work, go visit the doctor and have a few more tests done. The biggest question on just about everyone's mind was, "What made it collapse?" It may sound dumb, but while I was curious, I was more concerned with how long is this gonna hurt? Early on, we were told that an upper respiratory infection, along with asthma and my stubborn nature caused me to cough until my lung collapsed. Once I got out, and had an x ray done, the doctors got more curious. An x ray revealed, what appeared to be, cysts on my lungs. Suddenly I was getting tested for cystic fibrosis.
Now, if you are like me, you have no idea what cystic fibrosis is. CF is a disease passed down that causes thick mucus and cysts to grow in the lungs, stomach and digestive tract and pretty much anywhere else in the body. I exhibit most symptoms (nasal congestion, inability to gain weight, respiratory problems, sinus pain and pressure and a few others) so I was extremely nervous. Even though most people with CF are diagnosed by age 2, some are diagnosed later in adulthood. The worst part of this disease is all the other side affect. The average life expectancy is 37 years, infertility in most people, lung collapses and generally a rough time. The worst part being there is no cure.
Friends, believe me when I tell you that nothing can prepare you to hear and read the above information. It's a strange thing to wonder if you have an expiration date, a timeline, a limitation of any kind. Even harder is to share the information with your loved ones, especially your husband. The worst part is walking around trying to stay positive when inside you're screaming frantically for a result. So in I went for testing. I had ct scans, blood tests another x ray. All to see what was going on. In the meantime, you just wait. A lot of tears were shed, hugs exchanged and sobbing discussions on the phone. I journaled more, slept less and prayed often. One instance of this week stands out in my mind, above all others.
I have a baby shower to go soon. It is extremely depressing to shop when you are already depressed, it is even worse trying to find baby shower gifts knowing you may never get that. Even worse is to be shopping in the store with your husband, knowing you may never give him that gift. I can't describe the heartbreak I felt while in the diaper aisle with him, terrified and not knowing what was going to happen and breaking down and crying. I cannot imagine not being able to have children and my heart goes out to those who cannot.
One thing that did help me through the tough time was talking about it. Really when you think about it, none of has any certainty of anything. We have no guarantee. None of us really knows our limitations, or expiration date. For all we know, we could be in an accident that causes a new limitation. Something awful could happen and cause our end. We really don't know. So at the risk of sounding trite, live like it's your last day. Be happy, be free, be courageous. Live curiously. love deeply. Be you. Smile. Dance. Laugh out loud. Roll the windows down, let your hair down and rejoice in this moment.
ps- tests came back negative. To donate to CF and their families, visit cff.org and click make a donation.
Until next time.
xoxoxox
Trista
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Values and the power of self reflection
What do we value most in our lives? Not to go all Fight Club on you guys, but this question popped into my head today while browsing the interwebs. Today just happens to be my 9 year anniversary with Bug. Earlier we were talking and I told him the things I look forward to when getting older. Mainly my hope is that we will run around pranking people like on Betty White's Off Their Rockers. But I also look forward to eating soft foods while guessing the answers to things on the game show network. Which brings me back to my question. What do we value most in life? What is it that we look forward to at the end of the day? What do we hope to get out of life?
Sure a nice job and cushy life style is appealing to all. I even try to convince Clay to call out frequently to spend the day with me. We dream of a day when we win the lottery, pay off the debt, and stay home together. But it's not the money I desire (although it would help with some of my stressful things in life). It's the time.
I spend hours at a time on Pinterest. It's my favorite way to hoard (I am currently sitting at 34 boards with over 3000 pins). I look at all kinds of stuff. Crafts, houses, people, nerd stuff, clothes, humor sites, food. The list is endless. I like the things I pin (obviously or I wouldn't pin them). I like to see the creativity others have. I enjoy seeing things people wear or say, or how they decorate a house. There's something appealing to me in the form of self expression and the art of it. I often find myself jealous of others for multiple reasons (ie.-I wish I had thought of that! What a cute outfit! What a great way to organize! Why can't I pair outfits that great!?) What I really admire though is the fearless nature in which all of these people do these things. Like they live life with no fear of consequence, or judgement. Just so....free. If you think I've gone on a tangent, just stay with me here. The other thing I value in life is free spirits.
Having a free spirit means so much to me. Those two words have more meaning to me than most. Living without worrying about what people think of you! This was something I had to learn about. I had to practice not caring. It was definitely a journey (much to long for this page, but perhaps in the future, we can discuss my journey and how I pulled myself out of the pit). I'm still working on it. I enjoy looking a certain way, doing certain things. But to do them for the sole purpose of because I enjoy it? This is still something I need to work on.
I also really value creativity. The ability to see one thing, then make it something different? Amazeballs! In fact, I have an entire board dedicated to Great Ideas. It's my why didn't I think of that board. You can view it here. I love when people let their brains go to that place that allows them to see things differently. I absolutely love it.
So really, what do we value most in life? I really value time. It means more to me than having the nicest house, no debt, fancy cars, vacations, endless gifts. If people were willing to spend more time with loved ones or even doing what they loved (rather than expectations), I feel we'd all be a lot happier. Free Spirits. To live courageously, fearlessly and freely is something I truly admire. I really aim to do this more often. I just know I will be happier and healthier if I do so. And finally creativity. To let your brain see no ranges, no walls, no limits. I love this.
I'm sure if I kept pondering this and kept writing, I could go on for days. I would come up with a huge list of what I deem most important. What I hope to get out of life. What I love. What really means something to me. Instead of boring you with an enormous post however, I will invite you to do some self reflection. Find out what really has meaning in your life. I promise you, self reflection is going to make you feel sooooo much better.
Until next time lovelies.
xoxoxoxo
Trista
Sure a nice job and cushy life style is appealing to all. I even try to convince Clay to call out frequently to spend the day with me. We dream of a day when we win the lottery, pay off the debt, and stay home together. But it's not the money I desire (although it would help with some of my stressful things in life). It's the time.
I spend hours at a time on Pinterest. It's my favorite way to hoard (I am currently sitting at 34 boards with over 3000 pins). I look at all kinds of stuff. Crafts, houses, people, nerd stuff, clothes, humor sites, food. The list is endless. I like the things I pin (obviously or I wouldn't pin them). I like to see the creativity others have. I enjoy seeing things people wear or say, or how they decorate a house. There's something appealing to me in the form of self expression and the art of it. I often find myself jealous of others for multiple reasons (ie.-I wish I had thought of that! What a cute outfit! What a great way to organize! Why can't I pair outfits that great!?) What I really admire though is the fearless nature in which all of these people do these things. Like they live life with no fear of consequence, or judgement. Just so....free. If you think I've gone on a tangent, just stay with me here. The other thing I value in life is free spirits.
Having a free spirit means so much to me. Those two words have more meaning to me than most. Living without worrying about what people think of you! This was something I had to learn about. I had to practice not caring. It was definitely a journey (much to long for this page, but perhaps in the future, we can discuss my journey and how I pulled myself out of the pit). I'm still working on it. I enjoy looking a certain way, doing certain things. But to do them for the sole purpose of because I enjoy it? This is still something I need to work on.
I also really value creativity. The ability to see one thing, then make it something different? Amazeballs! In fact, I have an entire board dedicated to Great Ideas. It's my why didn't I think of that board. You can view it here. I love when people let their brains go to that place that allows them to see things differently. I absolutely love it.
So really, what do we value most in life? I really value time. It means more to me than having the nicest house, no debt, fancy cars, vacations, endless gifts. If people were willing to spend more time with loved ones or even doing what they loved (rather than expectations), I feel we'd all be a lot happier. Free Spirits. To live courageously, fearlessly and freely is something I truly admire. I really aim to do this more often. I just know I will be happier and healthier if I do so. And finally creativity. To let your brain see no ranges, no walls, no limits. I love this.
I'm sure if I kept pondering this and kept writing, I could go on for days. I would come up with a huge list of what I deem most important. What I hope to get out of life. What I love. What really means something to me. Instead of boring you with an enormous post however, I will invite you to do some self reflection. Find out what really has meaning in your life. I promise you, self reflection is going to make you feel sooooo much better.
Until next time lovelies.
xoxoxoxo
Trista
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
The POWER of COMPASSION
Today I want to talk about compassion. Recently I have had quite the trauma happen (collapsed right lung, blog to follow with x ray pics and some excruciating details), and it led me to some very strange, albeit great things. I've entered an area of soul searching, feeling quite lost and confused at times, but knowing that if I just go with the flow, somehow, it will all work out. I've been brought to tears on many occasions, and started a journal and wrote until iv's made me bleed. All things considered, I'm quite alright. A little sore from surgeries, lots of bruises from needles, weak with no energy and a little sick from medication. What has amazed me most is the love I've been getting from everyone.
I was in the hospital for two weeks. My husband was completely rock solid and by my side the entire time. He seriously slept next to me every night, held my hand, and stayed there all day. He didn't want to leave to eat or shower or feed the dog, but he had to. The rest of my family came to see me when they could, fighting around work schedules, general goings on with life, and other family things. My grandparents from California sent a gift up from the gift shop. Not sure if that's allowed, but I loved it and it made me cry. In addition to all that I had so many visitors, it really made me feel the love.
I was in the hospital for two weeks. My husband was completely rock solid and by my side the entire time. He seriously slept next to me every night, held my hand, and stayed there all day. He didn't want to leave to eat or shower or feed the dog, but he had to. The rest of my family came to see me when they could, fighting around work schedules, general goings on with life, and other family things. My grandparents from California sent a gift up from the gift shop. Not sure if that's allowed, but I loved it and it made me cry. In addition to all that I had so many visitors, it really made me feel the love.
One girl I need to mention is one who I used to work with over a year ago at American Eagle Outfitters. I was feeling extremely down one night and sent out a text to a few people. I asked for prayers, positive vibes anything anyone could spare a little of to help me through the pain and fear I was feeling. A day later she showed up in my hospital room bearing gifts. She brought me gifts so personalized and so me that I cried. She remembered favorite foods, favorite drinks, the fact that I had gone cruelty free, my nickname from working there and my favorite colors. It was so great. I didn't realize that someone knew me so well and cared so much to do something like that.
The next thing I need to mention is giving. While being in the hospital and surgery is stressful enough, the next stressful thing is realizing how much work you've missed and the anticipation of all the bills. Soon I'll have all my regular bills from car insurance to phone, car payment to credit card and now a shiny new hospital bill. I can't wait (sense the tone). I'm already stressing and I know that's not good for me. I can't really help it. It's already plaguing my mind and nightmares. However, everyone has been telling me not to stress about it, that it's inconvenient but a necessary evil. I know they're right. However, I mentioned to a friend of mine that I was concerned about falling behind. This friend text me back almost right away and told me that if I needed anything to let them know since they would be getting their tax return soon. Now this friend is somewhat down on their luck. I won't get into the details out of respect for their privacy but it meant so much for them to offer.
You guys all have no idea how much you mean to me. How much your positivity helps me. How much you have all changed my life and made me better from being there. I love you and consider you all family.
Special Thanks and so much love goes to: Clayton Latz, Susan Tuzik, Johnny Lasswell, Debbie Langley, Tony Langley, Linda Tuzik, Heather Nickle, Terry Nickle, Aaron Nickle, Sharon and Jim, Jenn, Kat, Kim, Mary, James, Jack'ee, Gaby, Armando, Alex, Eli, Steph, Joanie and Wilbur, All my family, friends and loved ones who visited, text, called, prayed, thought about or sent positive vibes my way. I love you.
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