I was blown away when I read that. But then I started to really think about it. Everybody has body issues. We just don't talk about them. They wait in the back of our brains, fester and rot the images we have of ourselves. So, I asked some facebook friends what body image issues they faced and did a little self reflection. Here is just some of the information I gathered.
First of all, I think it's really important to point out, that body images do not just affect women. Men also feel these pressures to look a certain way, and society does send these messages out to them just as much as women. I would argue that the standard is different, however it is still unfair. One of the best examples (and usually the first one brought up by people), is the recent Calvin Klein ad. This ad ran during the Super Bowl this year and left every guy (at least at my gathering) with raised eyebrows and second guesses.
Men feel the need to be more muscular, more fit, and even thinner. It doesn't help when we have men like Channing Tatum, Christain Bale and countless others running around shirtless in Hollywood. In fact, if you google image search Beautiful men or sexy men, the options appear quite limited. There are a lot of abs and muscles. That's really about it.
Women don't really have it much better. I dare you to google image search beautiful women. They are all very bronze, with lots of boob. A google image search of sexy women will reveal a few more blonde's though (DARN!!). You'll see lots of models, and a few actresses. It's all a little sickening.
In talking with some ladies, I came to one big conclusion. We all have something to be desired. No matter how hard we work or how happy we are with ourselves, there is always something "wrong" with how we look. Will we ever truly be happy with what we see in our mirrors? Maybe if we all had this one??
So now to get a little more personal. I know personally I struggle with how I look somewhat frequently. I'd like to share a quote from Tina Fey here
"“Every girl is expected to have caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama and doll tits. This is why everyone is struggling.” -Tina Fey
No wonder we all have issues. I constantly struggle with a few things in which only my husband really knows. I hate my nose, I worry about all my scars (I have five or six that concern me), and I wish my tummy was a little leaner. I hate my nose and always have. I think it should be smaller. People always have told me, it's distinctive, which in my ears is just another word for big. I have always wanted to be more fit and athletic, mostly for health reasons, but I think my stomach needs to tone up before anything else.
As far as my scars go, I've always had a strange love for my huge appendix scar. I've always found it very cool. It's large, I can pass it off for a ninja fight wound and it's fun to see people's reaction to it. At the same time, I find it could have been hindering, had I followed a career path I once considered. Acting usually requires a near perfect body that critics will judge you on anyway. A tough skin doesn't hurt either. I also considered modelling for a blink of an eye, but I wasn't sure how I would feel if they ever edited it out of my work. So you see, a love hate relationship. In addition, I also have about four more now on my breast, chest and left side. I worry about these ones for personal yet obvious reasons.
So I leave you all with this. We can only really stop this vicious cycle by teaching and practicing love. We need to stop trash talking people (celebrities included) for the way they look. We need to reject this "mainstream" (or as I call it, media shoved down our throat) idea of beauty. Start being more confident in yourself. In the morning, look in your mirror and point out five different things everyday that you like about yourself. Sometime's its hard, but you should do it. Here are some of my favorite photos and inspirations on loving myself. Make sure you read all of them and really take them in. :)
But most importantly, always remember.
Until next time,
xoxoxoxo
Trista
Thanks for this post, Trista. You're an amazing woman, and this blog is wonderful. I love how you put together this collection of opinions in a really great article. Those pictures are fabulous too! The last one made me laugh out loud.. haha.
ReplyDeleteBut let me get serious for a second. That Jennifer Aniston photo and quote got me thinking. At first I thought, "Well, I'm not trying to please EVERYONE, just myself." But then I realized that my expectations of myself are really just the desires of society because that's who I obviously hold myself up against. Otherwise, I wouldn't be looking for a flatter belly, smaller arms, and thinner thighs, would I? Probably not! So I guess I really AM trying to please everyone in a guise of satisfying what I think should be my own self-image. Guh, what a conundrum!
Thanks again for this post. I'll probably come back to it when I'm not feeling "good enough." :o)
Thanks so much!!! I'm glad you enjoy the blog and this post! I really wanted to get people thinking and more importantly, talking. WE never talk about body image issues we face. It is quite the conundrum to be in at times isn't it? We say it's to make ourselves happy, but is it really?? Maybe yes, but really thinking about it, will get us asking ourselves some great questions.
DeleteI'd like to give a little piece of how I feel about this, specifically speaking of the Jennifer Aniston excerpt. The same concept of never being able to achieve that perfect medium (because it doesn't actually exist)goes for not only the body as a whole, but also each individual body part. You discussed not really loving your nose too much. I'm not going to lie to you and say you have the nose of a newborn Pomeranian puppy, but I still like it. I think it really defines your face well and creates a nice balance with your bangs and feminine jawline. People typically compliment my nose, which I've always thought was pretty weird, but whatever. Compliments are compliments. I'm not conventionally pretty, and I know that, but I like how my little wimpy nose sits right below my deep set eyes and makes me look like a Russian princess. I have a pointy chin, but so does Betty Boop and she's a hottie. My eyebrows have very minimal arch and sometimes I look like a mean muggin' ape creature, but that keeps the rapists away. Just kidding. I'm tired and I'm just saying the crazy things I like to say. On a more serious note, sometimes, I let that fact that I'm not the most asked out on dates woman in the world affect my confidence. I know it shouldn't, but it does. I know that this is most likely due to the facts that I don't myself in any situations where it'd be acceptable for a guy to approach me. In high school it never happened because I had approximately 3 friends in high school. In response to your short discussion of how guys feel about their bodies and what not, I feel like there's a weird double double standard that exists there. From having 19 year old male friends, I've figured out that it's a lot easier for a girl to be considered 'hot' than it is for a guy. It seems like if a girl has one "good" aspect to her body, she's automatically considered "hot", regardless of the rest of her. However, when guys are passing judgment on a woman who is a celebrity or model or some other person who is in the public eye, they become ridiculously harsh. I'm not sure if it's just my asshole guy friends, or if it's every guy, but I find it very strange that they will consider a regular, average girl "hot", but then tear apart a supermodel. I'm guessing it's because they have no chance with Miranda Kerr anyway, so it's okay to say she has cellulite. I don't get it. Ask Clay. Jason said something of that at work that other day that took me off guard. I've heard him talk about some seriously (don't get mad at me for saying this on a post about loving yourself no matter what because these girls DEFINITELY loved themselves) not cute girls as if they were the most beautiful women in the world. Again, not to be rude, but they were both pretty trashy looking. However, when he was hanging the banners for the two swim walls, all he could say was how the one girl had a huge nose and the other girl had a flat butt. Wtf Jason. Hating on models. Furthermore, I think it gets even weirder because guys who have obtained the lady of their desires don't put any effort into being healthy. I'm not even talking about trying to get Channing Tatum's body. I'm talking having absolutely no awareness of how a terrible diet and no exercise can affect one's body. In my experience though, these guys judged my body more than the really fit ones! The moral of everything I just wrote in an attempt to further delay my calculus homework is that everyone should respect themselves, stop being haters and understand that everyone is beautiful in their own way. I'm starting to figure out that conventional beauty is becoming less and less popular. So anyway, I love your nose and you should too.
ReplyDeleteBonnie, first off, I love the way you write. you have such great voice and conviction in what you're saying. You could lead a nation. secondly, I love everything you talked about. I would have to agree, I think that men's body issues are different than women and I would agree that men tend to be harder on supermodels than real life women. I've wondered if it was because they are trying to convince us ladies that they are real women with not perfect bodies too or if they are just douche bags. And I also think you're right about women. If a woman has one desirable feature, she's hot. Unless she's what men lovingly refer to as "butterface."
DeleteI think one thing that is more acceptable for men though is age. Men are allowed to be old (George Clooney), but women really can't, which results in a whole lot of plastic surgery and other dangerous practices. Men are also somewhat expected to take up space than a woman (my favorite example of this is the movie Thor when you see just how large Chris Hemsworth is in comparison to the teeny little Natalie Portman) anyway which can even lead to eating disorders. This ties in I think with people not really knowing how a poor diet and no exercise really truly affects them. I also tend to hang out with men that really want to be more fit and athletic though. All of Clay's friends love to boast athletic poweress. I don't think this is much in terms of looks, rather it's a different way to lay em on the table and measure if you will.
I love your thought on the perfect medium and it not existing. It's absolutely true. We cannot please everyone. No matter what, our ideal is not another person's ideal. I also agree that conventional beauty is on it's way out, I just wish it was going a little faster.
I'm learning to love my nose so thanks for that. I also think you're very gorgeous. The reason the rapists are away is cus you're too snarky for them. You have this confidence about you that would make them flounder. Don't ever lose it, least of all for some dude who can't hang.
We all do need to understand that we are all beautiful in every way possible and we need to respect ourselves. As my favorite Drag Queen RuPaul always says. Love yourself, cus how the hell you gonna love anyone else?